#MenHaveFeelings

The discussion of domestic violence is heavily centered around women and in the process the abuse to men are back burnered. Men are victims to the cycle of abuse. The deceptive social norm further promelgates the abuse as men are told to "man up." In other words, men don't have the luxury of feeling victimized, it cuts across the definition of being a man. 

 

One thing I've learned is that in spite of all the talks about who's from Mars and who's from Jupiter and who keeps the toilet seat up or down, the differences between women and men are miniscule. Men and women want the same thing: to be respected, to be trustworthy toward each other, and be treated honorably according to our place in society. So when the definition of being a man strips him of his ability to feel, he's hardened and less sensitive to the needs of other because the important people in his life and society have not been sensitive toward him. 

 

Men are forced to accept and take the way in which they are abused. Being forced to accept abuse normalizes abuse, leaving some men unaware that they are being abused. He in turn chalks it up to the woman being "a woman." A friend of mine told me his father-in-law would say the following when speaking in reference to his wife: "Let them say what they want, let them do what they want; that's just how women are." The father-in-law had grown accustomed to the abusive nature of his wife, who modeled a behavior in the home for the daughter to now exhibit the same behavior to have her husband be told by his father-in-law "that just how women are." Look at the cycle of abuse in the family line. 

 

It appears men don't necessarily know what domestic, emotional, and sexual abuse looks like is as it pertains to them in adulthood. 

 

1) When having an argument, if she blocks the door and prevents you from leaving the room or house, that's abuse. Let's flip the script. If she called the police and reported you were not letting her leave the house, their inclinication is that you're holding her against her will and that is considered domestic violence. See how that works?!

 

2) When she threatens to take the kids and not let you see them, she's using the kids as a means to control your behavior, that's abuse. 

 

3) When she pushes, kicks, slaps, jam the index finger in your chest or forehead, that's abuse. Let's flip the script. If she called the police after you jammed your index finger into her temple, that would considered domestic violence and a possible arrest.

 

This is where men get fooled: the woman's physical abuse toward him doesn't hurt (at all or as much), so he ignores her physical abuse. But his retaliation has a higher potential to hurt her, so now the United Nations, Global 8, North American Free Trade Agreement, Black Ops, Naval Seal, The Avengers, Handy Mandy and his cousin, and Superman and Batman cease their duel, to respond to the threat of violence against her. That's simply NOT fair.  But men understand the more extremes of the situation, like a frying pan or iron across the head is abuse because it hurts. But in many instances, if she has already emotionally broken him down (telling him he's worthless; telling him he needs her; telling him threats about the kids), then even physically harmful acts may be overlooked by him because of the normalizaiton. 

 

Why is Law Enforcement More Prone to Side With Women? 

 

History is on the side of women. It's usually the case that men hit women. But recent statistics show 1 in 3 women are domestically abused and 1 in 4 men are domestically abused. That's 33% versus 25%, an eight percent difference. If this was a political raise, an eight percent victory is an accomplishment. Looking at sheer numbers, clearly women outnumber men, but the difference is not drastic. Thirty-three millon dollars versus twenty five million dollars still makes us multi-millionaires. 

 

Why is Society More Prone to Side With Women? 

 

Because men are stronger. But that's the oxymoron of the equation. Why would a woman be physical with a man knowing he's natural stronger than her while challenging his emotions to not hit her? This argument breaks down everytime because men don't think in terms of strength. Men think the same way a woman thinks when she's hitting him -- EMOTIONALLY.  Women, stop raising the bar for men to be mature and rational while lowering the bar for yourself to be emotional and physical. 

 

Why We Are Generally More Inclined to Protect Women? 

 

Because life comes through them. It's an overarching, spiritual, biological sense of responsibility we feel because at the end of the day she's the receptacle to life, the carrier of life, and the deliverer of life. We also hold women in high regard. Men tend to see women as gentle, kinder, caring, and more nurturing kind of creatures. But this is misleading, because men consider women as those things outside of themselves. Men tend to not define men as gentle, kind, caring, and nurturing, while men very much so are those type of creatures. Women are then fed the same mistruth and consider men to be strong, violent, barbaric, agressive creatures, when in fact, women can be the very same way. Remember outside of our biological makeup, men and women are the same. Generally speaking we'll say men think about sex more than women. Well, guess what, women think about sex as much as men do. Women walk around with nasty little undressing fantasies about being ravished on the hood of a car in public for people to see (and some women wouldn't mind a stranger's hand or two). See how that works? We are not that different. 

 

Men shouldn't hit women. And here's a thought for the 21st century, women shouldn't hit men. The expectation for letting cooler heads prevail is a matter of maturity, not who's physically stronger. Women, you can't expect a man to not hit you because you expect him to calculate in the middle of you being physically abusive that he's stronger and could hurt you. Let me ask you a question, when defending yourself do you think about how much you could hurt the other person or do you DEFEND yourself? 

 

Men, understand the signs of abuse of and don't underestimate the situation. #menhavefeelingstoo #domesticviolenceagainstmen #domesticviolenceagainstwomen #loveoverhate #yoursolutionexpert #adrianNcarter #adrianlovebookcarter

 

 

 

 

 

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